As High
Performance coaches, we often coach our clients through limiting beliefs. Clients
tell us what they want and then we ask them why they don’t already have ‘it.’
Most of the time, we need to ask several questions – go at least 5 levels deep –
in order to find the underlying belief that is driving the thought driving the
emotion driving the behaviour.
Once we
have identified the underlying belief that is holding them back we can then
work with our clients to change their belief into something that is aligned and
congruent with what they say they want.
This type
of coaching can produce transformational results. Sometimes. But there is a deeper
style of coaching that is far more effective at the level of true growth and
awareness. And that is coaching for insights instead of through beliefs.
At its core,
coaching for insights can be summed up as talking less, listening more and
really holding the space to allow the client to arrive at his or her own
distinctions. We claim this IS what we do but we don’t do it in practice. Not
really. Or rarely. Most coaches rush in to solve ‘the problem’ at the first
identifiable hurdle.
Rarely does
the master coach ever provide a solution. Because at the core, there are no
problems. Only insights and deeper levels of awareness. The master coach asks
questions and then holds the space.
In terms of
results, coaching through beliefs provides our clients with powerful tools and
resources they can use with deliberate intention in order to create lasting
change. The weakness of this is that it requires the client to consistently and
persistently apply these tools day in and day out before that change is
embedded. It works from the outside in. Coaching for insight on the other hand creates
a space that allows a deep internal shift in awareness which initiates the
process of deep transformation from the inside out.
Here are 7
tips to keep you in the coaching-for-insight space:
1. Practice the 80/20 rule – as a
coach, you should be listening 80% of the time and speaking 20% of the time.
2. Get comfortable with uncomfortable
silence.
3. Be willing to ask dumb questions.
4. Don’t be attached to your clients
having a breakthrough. Its always cool when your client has a
breakthrough but when you’re attached to that as an outcome you’re setting
an agenda that is more about you then them and you’ll be steering them
(unconsciously or consciously) to an ‘A Ha’ that might not even be real for
them. Many times the most dramatic breakthroughs come in the plainest packages.
5. When you think the client is ‘there’, go
even deeper. When a client says ‘thank you’ at the end of what feels like a
massive insight, they are wanting you to stop. THAT is the perfect time to go
even deeper because that “thank you” is often an indicator that the ego is
uncomfortable and feeling vulnerable – and now you’re in the zone of the REAL
truth.
6. When a client diverts attention from the
topic (eg makes a quip, changes the subject, asks a question back, makes a
joke, deflects etc) be courageous enough to hold them in the discomfort.
7. It is not always necessary or appropriate to
‘close the loop’ at the end of a coaching session by asking a client to commit
to action. When a client has a true insight, leaving that door open can help
them deepen, further and anchor their insights.
Think of ‘The
Princess and the Pea’ as a metaphor for coaching for insight. If you were
coaching through beliefs, you’d immediately find ‘the issue’ within the stack
of 100 mattresses. All those mattresses might be an ‘obvious’ conclusion. If
you were coaching for insight, you’d ignore what is obvious and go deeper and deeper
until the pea emerged.
Just
remember, YOU as the coach don’t need to see the pea. Its not our job to solve
the problem or find the solution. The greatest coaches in the world - just like
the greatest writers in the world - keep it simple, sunshine.
