Growing Pains

I’ve been working with a fab co-creator in the business realm lately who said she noticed that the way I sabotage is by going into a state of ‘overwhelm’ and then Exiting Stage Left and finding something else to preoccupy my attention for a while (what I would call my ‘love of variety’ she would call my ‘bullshit story’).

What I am realizing is that part of the reason why I have taken my ‘sweet ass time’ propelling my vision in business forward and creating real momentum is because I have been so attached to the outcome – Infinite Abundance on All Levels (otherwise defined as EXTRAORDINARY Success) - that I have unwittingly sabotaged the journey out of fear that I may not get the outcome I want. There’s a certain point on the climb to the summit where the stakes suddenly feel too high and the oxygen gets too thin that Fear overtakes and I retreat down into a grassy pasture. My mantra has been "I would rather bail before I fail and leave people with the illusion that I/IT COULD have been great then ride the waves of uncertainty."

Earlier this year, my coach and mentor gently suggested I had a "fear of commitment" and I dismissed and denied that as “completely ridiculous”. But now I think she might have been right... and how we show up in one area of our life is how we show up in every area of our life. Business is a metaphor for life.

Here is the truth - There are some things I want so badly that I can simultaneously experience and feel the double-edged sword of Success and Failure - where the Success would bring immeasurable and potentially lifelong joy and fulfilment but the Failure would bring such unbearable pain and suffering that, until now, I would rather have sabotaged the whole thing then toss that coin.

Its time for me to grow up (or at least not be completely driven by my inner child) and stop running away from commitment and uncertainty and instead begin the practice of truly sticking and following through with what’s really important – whether that be a project, a person, or a purpose –with steadfast purpose and determination, even amidst the fear and the uncertainty that I might land on the sharp edge of the sword.