Foundations of Stone not Sand

"Be impeccable with your word" is the first of 'The Four Agreements' scribed by Don Miguel in his book of the same name and is followed by his acknowledgement that it is not only the most important of all the agreements but is also the most difficult one to honour.

If you have ever spent even a few hours in conscious awareness of what comes out of your mouth, you may be surprised at the subtle liberties most of us take with our word. Yet, in 'the old days' a man's word was his honour - there was no agreement more binding and no test more worthy of a man's character than his word. These days, we tend to say whatever is easiest in the moment ..."I'll call you"... "I'm fine"... "I'm working on it"... "it's their fault not mine". We bastardize our word in favour of instant gratification or the path of least resistance.

Being impeccable with your word leads to integrity which, to me, implies consistency in thought, word and deed. People who have integrity say what they mean, do what they say and "don't change horses mid-race". They embody their values to the point that these values become part of their identity. They don't practice "compassion" or "kindness" or "honesty" or whatever the value might be because it has become who they are. And their actions follow accordingly.

I feel profoundly blessed to know a few truly extraordinary individuals who live their life with "impeccable integrity". What these people all have in common is that they are almost always guided by their heart. Our heart is where the truth resides and so when we are thinking and speaking and acting from our heart, it automatically follows that we become impeccable with our word - we don't even have to think about it. The truth does not sway in a moment of either elation or anger, it is not precariously balanced on a mood meter that might change from one day to the next and it is not situation specific. Impeccable integrity and authentic power come only when we are deeply centred in our heart.

The damage we inflict, both to ourselves and others, when we think, speak and act from our head and thus fall out of impeccability, is a toxic multiplier and an emotional poison that slowly erodes the foundation of any relationship it encounters. As Don Miguel says, "Consider how many times you have gossiped about the person you love the most to gain the support of others for your point of view. How many times have you hooked other people's attention, and spread poison about your loved one in order to make your opinion right? Your opinion is nothing but your point of view. It is not necessarily true. Your opinion comes from your beliefs, your own ego and your own dream. We create all this poison and spread it to others just so we can feel right about our own point of view."

To take this one step further, Dr Wayne Dyer offers "The law of attraction is this: You don't attract what you want. You attract what you are." He goes on to talk about the four cardinal virtues as outlined in the teachings of the Tao Te Ching: "The first is reverence for all life, which manifests as unconditional love and respect for oneself and all other beings. The second is natural sincerity, which manifests as honesty, simplicity and faithfulness. The third is gentleness, which manifests as kindness, consideration for others and sensitivity to spiritual truth. The fourth is supportiveness, which manifests as service to others without expectation of reward."

Gary King's formula for happiness states that Honesty (to self and others) + Forgiveness (to self and others) + Self Worth = Happiness (H + F + SW = H). When we start consciously placing a higher value on heartfelt honesty and integrity than instant gratification and impulse, we start changing the foundation from which we live and we being to experience a joy, a love and a freedom that completely transcends language.

Grasping the Dusk

I'm confused.

There are some days - like today - where I feel so intensely vulnerable and uncertain about the path I am on that I am nearly choking on what I can only describe as complete and utter loneliness and bereavement. Today, I am crashing into the outer limits of this limbo-like No Mans Land in the same way that Jim Carey crashed into the fake horizon in The Truman Show when he realised his whole world was an illusion. I feel an acute sense of loss and displacement.

In my deepest heart, I know my purpose is to birth 'No Red Herrings' into this world and I also know that No Red Herrings will in turn create its own healing communities around the globe. I know this at a cellular level, from the deepest part of me. What I do not know is how to navigate the precarious and immediate territory I find myself in.

I have had no active income since April 2010 when I resigned from a fantastic job that I loved in order to pursue my passion and my purpose. Since then, I have relied on U.S funds to take care of practical matters while I maintained focus on shifting paradigms. For me, part of that paradigm shift informs of a new world that is not driven by monetary exchange for goods and services but instead, a world in which we are wholly governed by by passion and service. Its not surprising then, that what I now seem to be attracting into my life are some of the most amazing, enriching and fulfilling experiences and opportunities that further my passion and my purpose to connect with people but do not immediately or directly pay the bills. And for the first time in my life, I am feeling real anxiety about a sustainable future that maintains or betters my current standard of living and remains true to my vision.

On a practical level, I realise the obvious solution is to go back to the corporate world and pursue a job in marketing, promotions or film that at least keeps me out of financial distress, at least until a viable alternative is realised. And yet, that is not the solution either. I cannot go back, even if going forward means learning to survive without money and truly feeling my way into a new way of living. But that seems inconceivable to me, too. I am no longer part of the world I left behind but nor am I a truly awakened individual who has transcended material comforts. I love my life and I enjoy my standard of living and although the idea of living truly off the grid in a sustainable community of like-minded people calls to me at a soul level, now is not the time for that either. So it feels like I am very precariously teetering on a thin red line between two parallel universes, where one beckons to a place of surrender and stillness and the other calls for a reinterpretation of "survival of the fittest". I feel torn and at a loss of how to move forward.

Am I being naive? Am I nothing more than a fool led by romantic idealisations and pipe dreams in a world driven mad by avarice and paranoia? I just wish someone all-wise and all-knowing would tell me that I am unequivocally on the right path, that it will all work out, that there is nothing to worry about and that I (and all of us) will be provided for when we surrender to our hearts and follow our calling. Martin Luther King said that "faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase". I have taken the first step and I am now on the landing where the steps diverge. I don't know who I am, where I am heading or how to get there. All I know is that today I feel alone and in the dark.

THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS

I was reminded of this best-loved poem today and I wanted to repost it as a blog for you to remind you of the people in your life that love you so very much and are showing you how much they love you in so many different ways but might be feeling unheard, unseen or unvalued - even if only a little. In love, a little feeling of underappreciation can cause profound hurt.

Perhaps you are (unknowingly) taking their love for granted or perhaps you are too busy to take the time or make the effort to show them how much you love and care for them. But it doesn't really take that much time and it doesn't really take that much effort to give someone the gift of your love and let them know how much they mean to you.

Please stop thinking there will always be a tomorrow or keeping thoughts of love, appreciation and gratitude for the people in your life to yourself. There is not always a tomorrow and sometimes the people you are most certain will be there in the morning - our children, friends and family who are seemingly young and in good health, new lovers... are the ones that suddenly depart without any notice or warning. Please.... today... take the time to let at least one person in your life know how much you love them. And when they take the time to show you how much they love you - even if its just with a simple bunch of wildflowers picked by the side of the road, a hug that is full of warmth and presence, a special text or email etc... please acknowledge their love. Its the only thing that really matters in life.


FAMILY (Author Unknown)

I ran into a stranger as he passed by, "Oh, excuse me Please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too; Wasn't even watching for you."


We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,

My daughter stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked her down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
She walked away, her little heart was broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use,
But the children you love, you seem to abuse.

Look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers she brought for you.
She picked them herself: pink, yellow and blue.
She stood quietly not to spoil the surprise, and you never saw the tears in her eyes."

By this time, I felt very small, and now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by her bed;
"Wake up, little girl, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"

She smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Daughter, I'm sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
She said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway."
I said, "Daughter, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

Are you aware that: If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family --an unwise investment indeed.

Holy Trinity on a Bosu

What's your mission in life? Mine is connection and oneness - connecting at a heart level with as many people as possible and then connecting them to others so that we may eventually - as a collective energetic force of like-minded beings - completely collapse the illusion of separateness on this planet. Wow. That sounds pretty lofty, even to me. And truthfully, I have been struggling with the "how" of this mission and wondering what hallucinogenic substance I must have inhaled to possess me to give up a fun and exciting job that I loved, move out of the world's best city and into a national park where the majority of my neighbours are either bush turkeys or over 80 years old and the pace is... leisurely.

I'm a go-at-100mph person. That's my default position. I don't walk, I run; I multi-task to the point of checking and responding to emails whilst driving (I've stopped that now because yes, I do realise how dangerous it is); I don't just eat one almond or raisin or M&M, I grab a handful and throw them down my throat as I'm walking from one room to the next; I drive too fast, think too much and am generally impatient. I like vacuuming because of the instant gratification it brings (and I vacuum like I'm on a dance floor). The idea of yoga or pilates used to bore me to tears - all that focus and concentration on a point in your body that you can't even really see or feel without any immediate results seemed pointless. And when I first listened to Jon Kabat-Zinn's "Full Catastrophe Living" on mindfulness, I laughed out loud when he suggested we place just one raisin in our mouth and keep it there for five minutes to really explore the raisin's textures, tastes, properties and characteristics. Five minutes. One raisin. Are you for real? Why would you want to do that? Why would anyone want to be so intimately connected with a dried grape?

That was more than 10 years ago and it has taken me a solid decade of self-work, awareness practices and rather long and sometimes forced meditation sessions to get me to the point where I can sit through the entire 70 minute Dalai Lama chant in complete stillness and presence (well... sometimes anyway) and where, up until a month ago, I believed I lived in Mind-Body-Spirit connection enough of the time to guide others down a similar road. But what I recently realised is that I've been missing a fundamental distinction.

What I didn't understand until about a month ago was that "oneness" begins internally, with self, and so the idea of Mind-Body-Spirit (MBS) as three separate parts that you connect together by faithful but independent disciplines in meditation, academia, exercise, nutrition etc. actually perpetuates the very separateness that is keeping us all apart. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts and each part is also a perfect microcosm of the whole. Am I losing you? I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself but here's what I now know: just because I meditate, I exercise and eat well (for the most part) and I keep my mind (relatively) sharp by constantly learning new things does not mean mind-body-spirit are connected to the point of oneness. In fact, I realised I have been in a state of disconnect because although I was engaging in various MBS pursuits, I was doing each of these in a silo and as part of my daily "To Do" list. It wasn't until I was grunting my way through a workout at Upcountry Fitness in Maui last month, after three weeks of green smoothies and raw foods, that something clicked and I had a brief knowing of true internal oneness.

I imagine that anyone who is intimately familiar with Tai Chi, yoga, pilates or any of the more mindfulness based martial arts has experienced this seamless connection and flow between Mind, Body and Spirit countless times but its all new territory for me so I'm excited to share, particularly as I now know there are more ways to get there then 56,000 Downward Dogs.

The owner of Upcountry Fitness, Izaak Tyrrell, is the first truly holistic trainer I have ever worked with and he embraces the concept of "training to train". Usually, when I go the gym I don't Mickey Mouse around and faff about. I'm a "no pain, no gain; go hard or go home" type person and I am usually aware of every intense minute until I'm finished. Izaak's philosophy is to really engage with what you are doing and to continuously create the foundation to train 80% of the time and then 'go for it' when you really need to. The penny dropped for me when he had me do an exercise that took all my focus, all my concentration and all my grounding, together with mindful connected breathing and massive slowing down, to get through even one rep. He put two weights in my hand and a Bosu in front of me and told me to lunge step onto the ball, and then "float" up on one foot as I was raising the weights over my head as if they were "wings" before "gently like a feather" bending down from the hip (still on one leg, still balanced on the Bosu) to touch my right foot with my left hand (still carrying a weight) and then "float back up" and then touch my raised foot back to the ground before doing this again. Ten times on each leg, ten sets - 200 reps in total. Have you ever head of anything so ridiculous?

At first I wobbled all over the place, tried to power through it, toppled over, swore and thought what a ludicrously impossible exercise this was for me. I can barely balance on one leg on terra firma let alone balance on one leg standing on a ball with weights in my hand, being asked to float up high, drift like a feather and then touch one toe with the opposite hand. What a joke. The only way I could even get through one rep was through ferocious concentration and intense focus - being so completely immersed in the absolute present moment that everything else fell away while my mind and my body started truly speaking with each other and eventually, acting as one. After a while, there was just movement and flow and I was doing the exercise without any kind of strain or resistance even though a part of me was aware that this should be hard. Then, after a little while longer, I felt a sort of descent. I kind of inverted and I really felt how light my body was after all the greens and raw foods I had been consuming and I experienced a Being-ness and stillness that I had never experienced before, even in all of the meditation I have done. At that point, I was unable to count the reps or the sets, I was just in this amazing slipstream of flow and awareness, strength and power. I just kept floating up and feathering down until my arms literally stopped working. And to my complete amazement, I saw that I had been on the Bosu for 50 minutes.

For me, this kind of compound physical exercise is a way towards greater understanding of internal oneness and connection but there are countless other ways to get there. The most important thing for all of us is to slow down. We can't keep up with the pace we've set for ourselves - I don't know anyone who can. Secondly, what I have realised (even more) is how truly vital it is to exercise the body, keep the internal rivers flowing and pay attention to how and what we eat. The first step is awareness, the second step is practice, the third step is connection between the moving parts and eventually, there is oneness. Even if its only there for the briefest moment, it is still a tiny step forward.

Having said all this, I got a camera-detected penalty notice for speeding last week, I haven't been to the gym in two weeks and I opened my eyes and looked at the clock at least twice during a 20 minute meditation yesterday. I'm no saint, l don't always practice what I preach and perfection is not the goal. Connection is the goal and today its just about connecting a few more dots... and getting my ass to the gym for a quick run on the treadmill!

Barefoot and Blindfolded

We are in a new era that, according to some interpretations, began on March 8, 2010 and will end in late October of this year. Some people are calling it 'The Age of Aquarius' or 'The Golden Age'/'The Awakening', some people are calling it the age of co-creation and others may refer to it as the time of collective consciousness. Call it whatever you want - for some it is the winter of their discontent. A rose by any other name is still a rose.

We are now in the rise of and the return to the Feminine and regardless of who you are or what you believe - you will be feeling the force of these energies in one way or another.

It is no accident that some of the longest standing business and financial institutions have fallen, just like the "unsinkable" Titanic. It is no coincidence that the massive economic shifts that are shaking the very roots of our financial stability and the structure of our livelihood are occurring simultaneously to the explosive natural upheavals bombing the planet. Yes, this is a large scale culling. It is indeed the end of the world for some - 2012 (or late October 2011 depending on what you read) - but it is not the end of THE world. It is the end of the Yang masculine world where creation, development and expression have been a product of SWOT analyses, focus groups, forecasts, exhaustive research, overrated logic, rationale and reason that ignores feeling. Put simply, it's time to stop thinking and start feeling. The Feminine energy calls us to nurture, express, create. At this time, it is so important to pursue your creativity for that is the expression of the soul. Paint, draw, write, sketch, take photographs, cook, garden, write songs, sing, dance... Do whatever you like to do where you can completey immerse yourself in the creation and lose yourself in the moment.

One of the oldest and most prestigious private boys schools in Sydney recently held a full Board Meeting with just one item on the agenda: how do we prepare our boys for a world ruled by women? (I am paraphrasing for simplicity - they would have used many more four syllable words than I just did.) That is huge. Just imagine that - the Chairman of the Board of the most exclusive boys school in Sydney - a school that has produced more judges, politicians, CFOs and CEOs than any other school in the country - asking it's Board to determine how to gradually restructure it's curriculum and philosophy to deal with the very real change that is occurring on our planet - the rise of the Feminine and the return to the matriarchy.

I am not talking about a literal translation here that speaks solely to gender bias. This is not about anatomy. It's about doing things differently then we've done in the past and consciously bringing in different energies and intentions into our daily activities. It's about using our intuition to feel into situations rather than using our reason to think out of them. Now is the time for all of us to step up and live our life from our heart and not our head. It's not an option. If you are living out of integrity, if you are not being honest, if you are playing too many unintegrated roles with too many people, if your motives are totally self-directed and your outcomes focused soley on what's in it for you - you will be 'outed'. In one way or another, sooner or later. You can run but you can't hide. Put simply, you will wind up on your ass wondering 'how the hell did this happen?'

On the flip side, if you are one of those brave and faithful souls who cast off your lines to pursue a distant horizon on the path less travelled, you may be finding that things aren't going exactly as planned and it's harder than you imagined. There's a prevailing belief that when you surrender to your heart's true longing and really listen to your inner guidance - which usually means giving up the money trail as a means to an end - then Life will roll out the red carpet and the Universe will co-conspire to support you with ease and flow, grace and surrender. That is a fable. We are currently growing through a period of phenomenal growth and expansion and they don't call 'em growing pains for nothing. This transition - the return to our hearts - is tough for everyone. The difference between those people who are already pursuing their passions, hooking into their purpose and bushwhacking a trail through the brambles of Fear and Uncertainy and up the mountain is that they are moving forward. They are the ambassadors and they are creating the road ahead - for us. And we will follow. Even if we have to be dragged kicking and screaming into this unfamiliar place where we must rely on our instincts and intuitions to navigate the blind corners.

So for now, try this: the next time you hear yourself thinking or saying "but what if..." stop it. Chances are, that "what if?" will be something you never thought about that blindsides you on some idle Tuesday. Stop analyzing your relationships and reading between the lines. If it feels good, stay; if it feels bad, go. Trust your feelings, don't dissect them to within an inch of your sanity. Same goes for business - next time you have a hunch, go with it. Don't even stop for a minute to think about it. Get rid of the 'To Do' lists. You will only end up frustrated, exhausted and feeling like you can't keep up. Stop predicting the future. Forecasting and analysis is based on history and does nothing but perpetuate an unsuccessful past. Our thoughts create our experiences so stop thinking and start feeling. Let your intuition be your guide. Get quiet. Stop talking so much and just listen. It is amazing what you will begin to hear and notice. Trust me on this. Baby steps.

As Robert J. Hastings advised in his poem 'The Station' - "Stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more and cry less." (you can see I really love this poem and yes, I know I used it in my last blog but that was months ago and this is worth repeating). Sink into the present moment at every available opportunity. Do whatever it takes.

In real terms, don't be afraid to quit your job and take a hiatus. Give all of yourself to the people you love. Let go of fear. Do not be afraid to ask for help (it IS the era of co-creation after all). Pursue the Grandest Version of your Greatest Vision. Live your purpose. Leave a legacy. And always always always trust your instincts. Your heart will never lie to you.

We are on the verge of a new dawn that has the possibility of being brighter than anything we have ever imagined. Feel it and believe it.

Small is the new Big

I recently found out that the source of my middle-of-the-night wake-up calls was my gall bladder, not God inviting me in for a pow-wow.

In Chinese medicine, the gallbladder is associated with anger and resentment. Waking up at 'gall bladder hour' is a symptom of an underlying imbalance so I went to see one of my 'spiritual' teachers, Michael, to help me understand both the cause and the remedy.

"At the deepest part of your gall bladder is a great current of heat - anger that the 'princess fairytale' is not what life is about, and despair that people (yourself included) are not as far along as you had thought they would be," he explained. "You feel the disconnect of people but you take it personally and you sometimes wear your isolation as a source of comfort.

"First, you must accept that you have anger. As humans, we all have anger. This is normal. But the remedy to any emotion that reduces your energy is first, acceptance."

I thought briefly about what 'acceptance' really means. Previously, I would have 'accepted' the anger but then i would have analysed it and asked myself where it came from, why, how it had been playing out in other areas of my life and what I could do to expunge it from my life. What Michael was suggesting was to accept with detachment - without the back story or the need to dissect the underlying assumptions and beliefs that went along with it. These stories we tell ourselves and the meanings we attach to our emotions are further investments of our energy that could be more effectively spent elsewhere.

"Second, you greet your acceptance with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is a powerful antidote for emotions that are weakening your chi," he continued.

"How do I move from acceptance to enthusiasm?" I asked.

"With gratitude" he answered. "You go into a state of gratitude, for all things great and small in your life. You notice everything around you that you can be grateful for and you focus on these. Soon you will feel enthusiasm spread through your body.

"There is no disconnect," he continued. "There is no separation. When people think so much about things, as you do, that is when you feel separated and alone. And that is when you must connect back to the Higher Truth that is always there for you."

"How do I do that?" I asked.

"By practicing compassion," he answered. "First for yourself. And then for others, and for all of life".

I have been musing about the true meaning of compassion for the past few days and have asked a few people for their thoughts and input about compassion as a concept. I am not satisfied with the dictionary definition but have just randomly stumbled on a website where one fellow ponderer offered his thoughts:

"Compassion is the driving force of humanity. It goes beyond self-conscious consideration of individual desire in order to serve another. Compassion is more than a word or an action. It is a feeling of love. Because you whole-heartedly love someone, you act in a compassionate manner towards them."


Albert Einstein talked about "widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty".

In our current pop culture of fast-food spirituality the whole concept of compassion has become a little holier-than-thou and out-of-reach for a lot of people - it is the domain of Mother Theresa or His Holiness, the Dalai Lama but not necessarily the rest of us. But Einstein's advice, and the thoughts of the fellow ponderer above, invite us to bring compassion into our daily lives just by feeling loving towards people, just by stopping for a moment to appreciate nature, even if nature's immediate expression towards you is only a dandelion trapped in the crevice of a New York City sidewalk. Compassion is not so much in the doing but in the feeling that precedes the doing.

"Is there anything else?" I asked Michael.

"Nurture the vessel" he said. "Yes, you feed your body with the 'right' foods but you do so because you feel you "should" and at times, you resent this because you feel you are restricted. Instead, nourish the body with compassion - not because you have to, but because the body is truly the temple and the food you give it is your offering.

"In Hinduism, a grain of rice is a gift yet we consume huge amounts of food - much more than we need - without giving any thought to what we are doing. We place great stress on our body, not only through the type and amount of food we eat but also by the speed at which we consume and the thoughts we allow to consume us. When you sit down to eat, do so with mindfulness and intention on the nourishment the food offers. With this small shift in thinking, you change the vibration of the nourishment and that alone will affect great change on your health."

When I first learned that I was having a small gallbladder "issue", several friends immediately told me to "have it removed" without asking any other questions. There was a time when I would have considered that option as a first choice remedy. Certainly, the quick fix solution is the one many of us reach for most of the time and how lucky we are to have those kinds of options available to us. The other route - the route of acceptance, gratitude, enthusiasm, compassion - is a longer and more meandering path that takes a while to navigate and a lifetime to master. But what are we all racing around for anyway? There will always be things on the "to do" list, there will always be floors to sweep, dishes to clean, laundry to wash, emails to answer, bills to pay.

The choice I make today is to keep my gallbladder and take time to appreciate nature, even if it is only a flowery weed struggling to survive in the concrete jungle.

To quote one of my favorite poems from Robert Hastings "...stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more and cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough."

Rantings of a "Spiritual" Insomniac

Its 4am and evidently I am awake. My mind feels like the inside of an American supermarket - 57 aisles of over-processed, nutritionally empty packaged, canned and tinned thoughts, some with grossly inflated shelf lives.

I am not deliberately awake. This is not my idea of 'quiet time' although Wayne Dyer, who I greatly esteem, would say this is the ideal time to engage in spiritual work - between 3am and 4am. But of course it is. It would have to be smack bang in the middle of the night just to make it as inconvenient as possible. And why, specifically, is 3am the best time to do spiritual work? Who said so? What random theory is that based on? In all fairness, I believe there is some fact based evidence to suggest that between the earth's circadian rhythms and the meridian lines, 3am-ish is the optimum time to connect with Source - when the channels are clear and open so to speak. At the moment however, I just want to connect with the pillow and I'm annoyed that this middle of the night brouhaha is plaguing me again. 4am and I know each other a little too well for my liking. And so, once again, I am awake at 4am and it seems all I can do is surrender to wakefulness.

So this is my idea of surrendering - dragging myself up to the computer to see if my fingers will disspell any insights or wisdom my left brain has been holding prisoner. The truth will set you free. What truth? What is "THE truth"? There's no such thing. Every man's 'truth' is true for him and you can't argue that. There is no one 'truth' about anything, only many versions of the same thing. Even the word itself is starting to bug me - I've heard it bandied around lately like some new political slogan by people who claim to be 'on the path'. Another meaningless cliche - 'on the path'. What path? There is no path. Ken Wilber makes a great point about distinguishing people who say they are spiritual versus those that really are. People who call themselves "spiritual" are generally speaking from the side of their ego that has adopted a spiritual mantle. People who are truly spiritual don't label themselves as such. My father used to say "people with money don't need to talk about it, or flaunt it." This is the same thing. My understanding is that as you evolve in the 'waking up' process (Ha! Hilarious to be writing that at 4am) you become non-egoic (and I use that term loosely. Clearly, it makes sense to hold on to our egos at a fundamental level - it is our egos that tell us to get dressed, to bathe, to seek shelter ) and you lose the need to identify or distinguish yourself as separate - you no longer need to identify where you are in 'the process' because the identification itself keeps you separate and in your egoic state. Through the process, you lose all judgment - of other people, events, situations, behaviours, feelings, yourself - all of it until ultimately, things are neither good nor bad, right nor wrong. They just are. But before that happens, there is the process.

There is a stage in the process where you think you're King S**t and you tell everyone you're "on the path", "seeking truth", and/or "as One" or some other such nonsense to describe how evolved you are. But that's the irony! When you are in that particular phase of "the journey" (another phrase that should be tarred and feathered) you are even more egoic than you were before because you are still speaking from your ego (but you don't know it), which is now hyper-inflated because it now believes it is 'spiritual' and thus, superior to everyone else. But you don't recognise that you are still in an extreme egoic phase because you are standing in the middle of your own shadow, in darkness.

Case in point - I was recently at an Anthony Robbins seminar and anyone who has ever attended one of these events knows that Tony Robbins likes to keep people's energy levels up by getting them out of their chairs and dancing like Lady GaGa, or Madonna, or Michael Jackson, massaging each other, bellowing incantations, marching around the premises ... whatever it takes to keep people in a 'peak state' for the very long days. Its like a caricature of a cross between a Pink concert and Boot Camp.

So, at this last event there was one participant who was "on the path" and whose mantra was "Truth is Beauty. Beauty is Truth" and "we are all one" and other similar bumper sticker proverbs. He wore a beautific smile and appeared serene and zen-like. When it came time to stand up and dance like no one was watching however, he remained seated - coolly surveying the rest of us with an expression of bemused sympathy and an ever so slight sneer of distaste and discomfort. And when we were asked to go outside and march around the premises of the JW Marriott Resort & Spa in Palm Springs chanting "Now, I am the voice! I will lead, not follow...." he just walked on the outskirt of the group with that smirk of surveillance on his face and did not participate. His expression seemed to be saying "You sad little unevolved beings. I don't need to engage in these theatrics because I have already graduated and I am on another level". I wanted to walk up and smack him on the head with my manual and say "wipe that smug smirk off your face and get with the program! What are you doing at an Anthony Robbins seminar if you didn't want to participate? Did you just come here to gloat! I am just as evolved as you are - if not more so!!" (you see how mature I can be? How "evolved" I am?? Nothing like a little regression to remind you of how little you really know).

A bit later, I was thinking about the rather extreme response I had to this person (I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to flounce him with the manual) and I realised, a bit reluctantly, that the reason I so vehemently protested his 'too cool for school' demeanour is because the 'spiritually arrogant' jacket is one that I still keep in my closet, too. But I deny that I do. Can I tell you how uncomfortable that is for me to admit that? Its a big 'eeuuw' and I feel a bit of 'shame' coming up in my stomach but there it is... my 4.30am "truth", now purged.

Okay, so here is the drop - and let's continue to use the Anthony Robbins participant just for simplicity's sake. The thing is - if he had been truly 'spiritual' or in that space of 'oneness', he would never have evaluated whether the activity was something he wanted to join in on - he would have just stood up and danced (or marched, or chanted, or bleated like a sheep or whatever was being asked of us) with everyone else - without thinking. It is the ego that thinks, not the spirit. When you think before you feel, you are putting the natural order of things in reverse. When you are in feeling mode first, the adage "dance like no one is watching" is just what you do. And when you are in that space where you are evaluating before participating, you are not being 'spiritual'. You can't say your philosophy is 'oneness' and then separate yourself from others (either through identifying where you personally are 'on (you_r journey' or by actions) because you have an image to protect. Its like people who say they are 'religious' because they go to church every Sunday but spend the rest of the week violating the very principals they swear by.

This is a lesson I seem to keep repeating myself and so, I am humbled in my reflection. For the past two months, I have had several experiences where I have observed what I see happening for someone else and then Boom! No sooner have I disspelled my sagacious insight about their life then I am faced with the perfect parallel projection of that 'issue' in my own life. I've watched myself fall off the platform of integrity so many times I've developed vertigo. I don't walk my talk all of the time. Sometimes I am full of more s**t than a Thanksgiving turkey. But alas, the point is to learn, right? Learning is growing and if we're not growing, we are dying. So hallelujah!! I am definitely alive!

I do passionately believe that we really are all in this together so the message here is to lose the "I AM" ness. The next time you think or say "I am" or "You are" remember that everything you are, I am. And everything that I am, you are.

And now... finally... the land of Nod beckons. Good night.

p.s. I have absolutely no idea why that guy chose not to participate (he did eventually btw) and I absolutely recognise and own that all of my speculations were nothing more than blind assumptions with no basis more reliable than my own meandering projections.